The Birds, the Bees and John Mayer May 29, 2008

This winter, J (who is 7) was getting closer and closer to the REAL question about sex which is a problem for me because I truly believe honesty is the best policy. I have explained how babies come out and he knows what those pads are for because he asked. This winter though I balked when he asked how the babies get INTO your stomach. I said we’d get a book from the library on that which he was fine with. I was betting that he would forget and he did. However, I knew that it would be coming up again soon, and I had to figure out a way to handle it.

This made me think of my friend Don who has two daughters who are my age. Don looks like a hippie, but taught at Columbia and used to design educational software for IBM. (This is how I knew him is that we worked on the same IBM software projects for several years.) Don is brilliant and carefree which is sometimes an ironic juxtaposition.

At any rate, Don loves his daughters dearly and really got a kick out of spending time with J as his girls haven’t had any children of their own yet. Don has always believed that honesty is the best policy which sometimes landed him in hot water with IBM but that is not the point. (Come to think of it, this lands me in hot water too sometimes.) He shared with me that he was terrified the day one of his daughter’s asked him how the babies got into the mom’s stomach. Being Don, he gave a very clear, straightforward explanation and waited to see her reaction sure he just damaged her psyche or something. She essentially said “Oh, OK” and moved on. When she was an adult, Don asked her about this conversation and if he had done any damage by telling the truth. Her response was that it was barely a blimp on the screen, just an explanation of something she didn’t understand.

So, this is the context in which I tried very hard to think of an appropriate and suitable response that I would feel good about when J posed the question to me. This spring, I don’t remember what we were talking about, but J got around to asking me “How does that work?” I tried to play dumb and said “You already know how babies come out.” He said, “No, how do they get in there?”

Mom: <begin deep breathing> “You really want to know?”

J: “Yes”

Mom: <deep, deep breathe> “Well, a man and a woman have to have sex.”

J: <interrupting> “Do they start to kiss and stuff?”

Mom: “Yes”

J: “OK, that’s what I thought.” <cringing his nose and looking disgusted> “I don’t want to hear anymore.”

WHEW!!! I have a little more time to prepare myself for this conversation.

So, what does this all have to do with John Mayer, you may (or may not) ask? Normally I listen to NPR and rarely listen to anything else, but lately, I’ve moved the dial. One day, we heard John Mayer’s Your Body is a Wonderland and J sang along. Catchy tune, no problem, except that the next day on the swing set, J was singing the song. I imagined getting a call from Dr. Renze (J’s principal) because he was singing it to kids at school. (I have already received the F-word call which was not amusing.)

Mom: “That’s a good song.”

J: “Ya, I like it. What does he mean by your body is a wonderland?”

Mom: “It means he likes to have have sex with a girl.”

J: “Oh. It is still a good song though.”

Mom: “Yes, it is. I really like it too, but you probably shouldn’t sing it at school.”

I hope there is never a day that he isn’t afraid to ask me a question whether I like it or not!

Garage Sale Hell May 26, 2008

I just realized that I hadn’t published the last post, so the timing is a bit off.

We had a garage sale Saturday…it was supposed to be Friday and Saturday, but Friday was rainy, so I canceled it which was a good thing since I would never have been ready. I always forget how much work it is to get a garage sale ready. I worked all day Friday tagging and organizing and was still up until 1 am getting stuff ready Saturday morning. A and I woke up at 6am to get moving and of course, our first early bird arrived at 7 am. At least the onslaught of early birds didn’t arrive until 7:30, but everything was still not out. We had some great sales before 8am though. We got very lucky because the church two doors down was also having a garage sale, so we had a steady stream of business until noon despite the chilly weather.

Kid’s clothes usually sell very well at garage sales, but not mine.  I sold less than fifteen pieces of kids clothes. Of course, these items take the most time to organize and tag. J has some quality clothes too…cute and quality…most of these clothes also went through at least one of my nephews. Fortunately, I learned very early on that the clothes from Old Navy stain and don’t wash out, but clothes from the GAP, OshKosh, etc. cost more but wash well (less shrinkage, better wear, and stains come out much better). So, what others lost, A’s sister gained for her son.

The weather threatened to rain, but it did hold off. Unfortunately, it was warmer from 6:30-7:30 am than it was until 1pm.  We were completely exhausted by the end, but counting the $720 provided a little energy boost. Goodwill got a good chunk, some was donated to another garage sale raising money for a girl going on a student exchange to Japan, and the “free” pile got quite large.

It is nice to have all the stuff out of here because it really was a lot of stuff! It makes me feel really good to not fill the landfill with stuff that others can find useful as well.

SOLD! May 26, 2008

I think posting my MS Paint drawing moved the karmic universe in our direction because we just accepted our second offer on our house tonight! Second offer you say…well, this offer comes with NO conditions of other houses to sell! Our first offer has 24 hours to get financing or we can accept the second offer which is only $500 different than the first offer! My sister was the first person I told because she happened to text at the right time, PLUS she offered to come down and help! Yeah, she rocks.

Of course, all good comes with something less than great – the closing date is in 28 days! That means that the constant state of clean will be turning into the constant state of packing and chaos with school wrapping up, two weddings to attend (one 400 miles away) and baseball games!

A and I just took a LOT of boxes out of the attic for our garage sale on Saturday. I have a LOT of work to do tomorrow to get ready, plus J has family lunch at school, and it is my volunteer day in the afternoon. Oih veh!

Kristi Who? May 21, 2008

J enjoys Dancing With The Stars. I have to admit that after watching many episodes, I kinda like it too. It isn’t something that I would be sure to watch, but if it is on and nothing else interesting is on, I’ll watch it. I am completely impressed at what it takes to move like that. At any rate, J started watching last year after Grandma Mary got him hooked. She is a DEVOTEE of the DWTS…never misses an episode.

Last night was the season finale in which we found out which of the three couples would win - Jason Taylor (fire burning hot), Christian de la Fuente (who danced great despite a torn tendon), or Kristi Yamaguchi. They didn’t announce the winner until well after J’s bedtime, so at dinner tonight, I informed him.

Mom: Hey, J, Kristi Yamaguchi won Dancing With The Stars last night.

J: Kristi Mamaguchi?

A: Kristi who?

J to A as if he’d known all along and was not just told: Kristi Mamaguchi. She won the gold medal.

I like Kristi Mamaguchi so much better!

We are still living in a constant state of clean which I have to admit is a bit stressful, but at the same time is kind of nice because the house is always clean! It is annoying in the morning though when you are trying to get out the door and you see things that should be put in order just in case we have a showing.

In my old life, I was something of a MS Paint stick figure artist. I could create stick figure worlds which were impressive to stick figure aficionados. Granted, there are relatively few, but hey, my brother could outdraw me from the time he could hold a pencil, and he’s a year younger than me…MS Paint stick figure art is the closest I’ll ever come to any kind of art talent! At any rate, one day last week, I made a drawing of our house sale pending situation thinking it would make me feel better. As it turned out, it made me feel worse, but I’ll share it with you here.

I borrowed a book, The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Anne Fadiman, from my friend Sarah about four years ago before she moved to Arizona. I just picked it up and read it. The book is about a Hmong family’s experience with the American medical system when their daughter is diagnosed with epilepsy. It is incredibly interesting from a clash of culture anthropological perspective. I learned a lot, and it reinforced my belief that I would not survive if I were forced to leave all that I know and dropped somewhere that all my knowledge was completely useless. No doubt about it, I would not last long as a refugee.

I’m looking for new books to read as I’m in an anti-audiobook funk right now. I think it is mainly because I haven’t found a good one in a while. Suggestions are welcome!

Ghosts, Humans and Animals May 9, 2008

I don’t know what we were talking about the other day, but J informs me that dogs and cats don’t have to sense when ghosts are near because they can see them. Humans cannot see ghosts so they sense them. He said this all as if he had just conducted a major study on such things at John Hopkins.

I think he thinks this because my dad told him that a ghost could not live in our house because we have a cat and a dog, and ghosts are afraid of animals. I guess it is because they can see them.

The Dutch, Tulips, still in Iowa May 9, 2008

We went to Pella Tulip Time which is held in Pella, Iowa. This is a festival which celebrates the high concentration of Dutch men and women in this area. (One guy told A this weekend that he grew up in Pella, but wasn’t Dutch. The kids used to taunt him with If you ain’t Dutch, you ain’t much.) I am positive this little girl will not grow up to say such things.

Everywhere you look, men and women and children are dressed in their ethnic Dutch outfits which in many cases have been handed down through generations.

This town has tulips planted EVERYWHERE. You can tour the founder of the town’s home and visit his backyard which has over 30,000 tulips. Seriously. I can barely dig up a 15×2 foot tulip bed in the front of my house without my back killing me.

The town also has a tulip order business in which they sell their own special bulbs. When I got back from Tulip Time, I was asked by three different people if I saw the GIANT tulips and if they were really GIANT. (These were the new tulip variety introduced this year.) Yes, I saw the giant tulips, and yes, they are giant. This first picture is a bed of the giant tulips. The second picture provides context…J’s hand which is slightly smaller than mine. He is 7.

This is my favorite picture that I took of the tulips.

You can’t go to Tulip Time and not stand in a long line at one of the two bakeries for a Dutch Letter. I don’t even like almond flavor much, but there is nothing like a Dutch Letter and a cup of coffee. Just skip the greasy funnel cake and save room for the pastry. We asked at the bakery why the Dutch Letter is always in the shape of an S, and she said two reasons: it was to celebrate Sinterklass Day on Dec. 6th and because an S is easy to make.

Hello Kitty, Happy Birthday May 7, 2008

A has a thing for Hello Kitty. To be fair, our family has a thing for A liking to draw Hello Kitty. It started before I showed up on the scene. A’s son T will sometimes ask A if he will draw Hello Kitty like he used to…evidentially, this used to be one of A’s past times and he ended up getting quite good at it. So, with this request, I kicked it up a notch at Christmas when I was in the library and passed Hello Kitty Haikus staring at me. I checked it out, wrapped it up and gave it to A as a gift. T and J laughed so hard, but the joke had to be explained to A because he conveniently forgot that he was quite the Hello Kitty artist. I thought it was even funnier that he had to return the book to the library!

So, this is the context in which I was at Dairy Queen last Friday night looking for A’s prized ice cream cake. (Unfortunately for me, he doesn’t really like real cake and has requested an ice cream cake for two years in a row.) I searched the first two cases up and down for a cake that was interesting beyond old man Happy Birthday. I was beginning to pick which of the stupid cakes I would get when low and behold the third case held a beautiful Hello Kitty staring directly AT ME with those eyes of hers as if knowing that she WAS the cake for A. So, I bought it and walked out with a smile that only Hello Kitty could provide.

The whole experience was tinged with sadness since I knew T would not be with us this weekend to share in this joke that he really could have appreciated! He would have loved the joke! I’ll share these pictures with him when we see him next.

The wonders never cease around here… May 7, 2008

Tonight, J and I read through his Ranger Rick magazine before bed. This month’s issue features caterpillars which was very interesting to me because J’s class just released the butterflies they grew from caterpillars. Anyway, I cannot remember how the subject came up, but J starts telling me about how the other day at school he picked up a garter snake. (He is telling me this in the same EXACT way he told me that they were studying desert ecosystems.) I thought he was lying, so I grilled him.

Mom: Where at school are there garter snakes?    J: In the grass, near the fence.

Mom: Who was with you?     J: My guy friends.

Mom: How did you know garter snakes don’t bite.    J: I read books about snakes ALL the time! (This was news to me despite the fact that I got a look like are you stupid or something when I asked.)

Mom: What color were they?   J: Black with a yellow stripe. (When he answered this one correctly, I was sure he was telling the truth and my jaw literally dropped.)

J: What is the problem?

Mom: This is just something that I thought you would’ve told me about the day it happened, so it is hard to believe.

J: It isn’t my problem if you don’t believe me, but I’m not lying.

Mom:  Do the teachers know about the snakes?    J: Yes. Get away from the snakes!! (Jack’s imitation was quite good.)

Mom: Who else picked up the snake?   J: No one else. *Thinking hard* Well, no one when I was there.

Mom: How did you pick up the snake?  J: (Two hands out about one foot from one another in a grasping motion.)

Mom: How did you put down the snake? Did you drop it or throw it?   J: No, I put it down gently. I always teach my friends being good to nature, and snakes are like part of nature. (YES he said like.)

Mom: You never cease to amaze me.    J: It’s not my fault.

So, I give up! It doesn’t really bother me that he picked up a snake. What bothers me and makes me so sad is that all this happened, and he didn’t think to tell me. I am losing him to the world of friends and school and all that exists outside and away from me. I HATE having it slapped in my face.