Listening to the Funnies June 18, 2009

Troy and I are home alone tonight. Aaron is at a meeting, and Jack is at my mom’s house for the week.

Troy is soooo funny. He remembers practically every detail about everything that we’ve done or seen. So, tonight, he is retelling stories of Jack….of why we LOVE Jack. Troy is always very funny in the retelling because he just tells all these random thoughts that pop into his head. My brother Jay used to do this when we were kids which I think is amusing.

Remember when….

Jack FREAKED out on the small roller coaster at Mt. Olympus in Wisconsin Dells?

You had to bribe him to ride a second roller coaster at Mt. Olympus with an airbrush tattoo AND cotton candy and he said that if he survived this roller coaster he would NEVER ride another roller coaster?

We were in the car waiting for Jack and my dad started backing up really slowly and Jack came out the door and froze and was all panicked like we were going to leave him?

Oh yeah, and the other day when Rachel (our summer nanny) was here, I fell and cut my elbow, and Rachel asked where the wet cloths went and Jack grabbed it and walked into the kitchen and threw it on the floor (a specific spot on the floor which is where we put the dirty dish towels/rags/etc. prior to transport downstairs to the laundry) and Rachel said, “Uhhhh, are you sure?” and Jack said, “yeah, that’s where they go.”  (He told the story in ONE sentence just like I wrote it.) I bust out laughing and told him that that story was really embarrassing because we do keep the dirty cloths and towels in a STUPID (though convenient) spot. Troy said, “I know.” Then he laughed.

How I spent my time between 2 and 3 am last night June 6, 2009

Incredibly enough, Jack has NEVER thrown up since he was two years old. He is 8 and a half now. He truly has been one of the most healthiest kids ever, particularly for spending his life in daycare! I chock it up to breastmilk! He had croup once, a cold here and there, and he missed two days of school in three years for sickness.

But last night at 2:00 am, he threw up from the top bunk onto the floor, bottom bunk and toys that lay underneath. In the grand scheme of things, the volume was piddley. But I was reminded of how lucky I am to have such a healthy kid that I never had to deal with this ever before. When he was two, he threw up into me and then the toilet, each of which were easy to clean.

I just kept thinking how lucky I was when I couldn’t stand the smell while scrubbing the carpet. Speaking of which, it is amazing how LITTLE animal hair actually gets picked up by a regular vacuum though it looks like it is doing a good job. Check this out yourself with some hard circular scrubbing on your own carpet. My bff got herself the Dyson Animal and she says it was worth every penny! It picks up hair that she never knew was there.

Thanks to my bff, I knew that you could just take those gross sheets, chunks and all, and throw them in the washing machine. I think one of her kids has puked from the top bunk at her house too. I haven’t checked yet, but I am a little suspicious that I won’t need to wash twice. We’ll see…

I always use my favorite and cheapest deoderizer of all – pure baking soda on the carpet and bed to soak up the smells. It vacuums up beautifully with my Dyson handheld mini-vacuum.

Now, I’ve got a sore neck from sleeping on the couch as Jack got my bed.

Now that a baby is on the way, I guess it is time to get used to gross excretions and smells….although again, the breastmilk keeps the gross smells to a minimum as well until food is introduced.

Even the Cartoons are Obsessed with Barbie Figures March 31, 2009

I took the kids to Monsters vs. Aliens this weekend in 3D. It was good, but I have two major gripes for SKG over at Dreamworks.

First off, the 3D was VERY cool. The kids loved it and so did I. It was worth the extra money, but I am wondering if we can just bring in our glasses for the slew of new 3D movies coming out this summer and fall. I certainly hope so. I listened to a very interesting discussion on the 3D technology on NPR’s Science Friday podcast a few weeks ago, and it sounds like this technology is coming on full force. I’ve got my glasses, so bring it on.

Gripe #1 with Monsters vs Aliens – When his communication techniques fail with the alien, the “President” eventually pulls out a handgun and tries to kill the alien. I was immediately disgusted with this display of handgun violence…it closely resembled the “thug” move in the movies in which the thug typically pulls his gun out of his jeans. It was not only completely inappropriate for a children’s movie, but it was also completely gratuitous and unnecessary.  I was nothing short of shocked to see this President figure in a child’s movie pulling out a handgun and shooting to kill. SHAME ON YOU DREAMWORKS! SHAME ON YOU! I find it so hard to believe that this made it past so many PARENTS involved in the decision making processes that went into this movie. It did not move the storyline; it was simply violence.

Gripe #2 with Monsters vs Aliens – Reese Witherspoon’s female character Ginormica has the shape of a giant Barbie doll – her waist is about 12 inches wide compared to her 40 inch hips. Her freakishly skinny waist brought to mind that picture of Michael Jackson from the 80s with the super thin waist – you know the one. Unfortunately, I cannot find it anywhere on the net.

The only nice thing I can say is that Ginormica actually has curvy hips which is a model women need more of.

Is there NO MOTHER OF A DAUGHTER at Dreamworks that can advocate for realistic images for our children? Not only do young girls, teenage girls and women need these images, but so do our SONS!  I think Ginormica is even more offensive to me because she is SOOOOO giant – the thinness of her waist is accentuated by her height.

How many more daughters have to suffer from anorexia and bulimia because they are constantly barraged with images that are completely unrealistic and unhealthy? How many? I don’t even have a daughter, and I am pissed off and fed up with this. When I complain about my hips/thighs/stomach, my husband reminds me of my (mis)perception of what is attractive in our society. Even I fall prey to these ridiculous ideals.

I cannot lie that I felt a HUGE amount of relief when I squeezed back into my pre-pregnancy size 5 jeans at the six week post-pregnancy mark. I couldn’t breathe in them, but I got them on which meant that my body would get back into them with me breathing. I would have been upset had it taken me 8 weeks or 10 or 16. Now, with some time away from my pregnancy and post-pardum body, I can truly appreciate what a woman’s body is capable of. Not only can we nourish our babies during and after pregnancy, skin and muscles stretch in remarkable ways. Hell, my abdominal muscles split apart (and completely freaked me out when I noticed) to accomodate the growing baby, but they grew back together just as my fabulous midwife told me they would. Nothing short of amazing.

I know very few women who find their own pregnancy body as amazing and beautiful as I did, which I think is a down right shame. I seriously question if one of the reasons I found it amazing and beautiful was because I was single and had no one to hide it from. This makes me sad if this is, in fact, true.

Even when a friend warned me about seeing my naked body for the first time post-pardum, I cried like a baby when I saw my own naked, flabby body full length in my bathroom mirror. No more tight stomach….just skin having to go somewhere. Even though my breasts were INCREDIBLE, I had to look at the flabby midsection. BUT, just as my friend warned me, the human body is nothing short of amazing and I did see my stomach muscles again.

What is my point? My point is that from the point young girls and boys age 2 and above are watching silly movies designed to entertain them, the imprinting has begun – good, pretty women are unrealistically and unachievably skinny. Oh, and they are mostly white, but that is a post for another day.

The mare and the Governor March 5, 2009

Aaron: My co-worker came in late to work this morning because her mare died.

Jack: What?

Mom: Her horse died.

Jack: That is too bad that her horse died. How did it die?

Mom: I don’t know.

Jack: So, what about the governor dying?

Mom: What??? A horse died.

Jack looking very confused and then I realize the problem.

Mom: A female horse is called a mare, but it is NOT a mayOR.

Jack: Oh, I was wondering what you were talking about.

I think I can teach you March 3, 2009

Jack really gets into singing the chorus to songs on the radio. One of his favorite things is to have me sing the first part of the chorus so he can wrap it up strong.

So, this is the context for this statement from Jack last night after we were singing along to Out of My Head by Fastball.

“I am such a good singer. I bet I could teach someone to sing really well in a week. I bet I could teach you to sing really well in two…no, three weeks.”

I just revel in the fact that he knows that well is an adverb and good is an adjective!

Who Rocks? February 17, 2009

Saturday was my birthday, and I get a little selfish on my birthday.

I request a homemade cake baked and decorated by loved ones. I got this. Aaron baked my favorite cake from my younger girl days. It is called crazy chocolate cake, and I requested it every year for my birthday ages 9-16 along with the super sweet canned German chocolate frosting. This year I made the frosting because at least two people who were joining us do not like coconut. Unfortunately, I went a little overboard on the powdered sugar in the frosting because it was way too sweet for me in taste.

But it was just sweet enough in looks – this is how Jack decorated it for me!

Yeah, me, I ROCK!

He made me a lovely birthday card shaped like a valentine. (His is the only card I don’t mind getting that harkens to my valentine birthday.) The inside of the card includes this:

You tuck me in at night, and make me assume (awesome) quilts.  PMS (PS) You make ricecrisby bars and chocolate chip cookie dough bars too. I love you! Yes I do.

Then, we went out to lunch with Aaron’s family and came back to the house for cake. I was treated to a special birthday dance from our neice Quinn. It was awesome and full of exciting choreography! It was the highlight of the birthday party!

Later that night we all went bowling. Troy really made some strides in his form thanks to Aaron, and it showed in an awesome score for his second game. He is thinking about joining a league which would be great for him. It is a sport that he could do his whole life and enjoy.

Speaking of bowling, a couple years ago Aaron and I watched a documentary called A League of Ordinary Gentleman about the pro-bowling circuit. It was very interesting.

Other worthwhile documentaries available on Netflix include: Word Wars about people who play Scrabble for a living, Grizzly Man is a surreal movie about a guy who moved to Alaska to live with grizzly bears and eventually gets eaten by one, Air Guitar Nation is about the world air guitar championships (yeah, who knew!), Mad Hot Ballroom is about an inner city NYC school whose students win big in the citywide ballroom dancing competition, Jesus Camp could make you furious or incredulous depending on your point of view, Spellbound is about the national spelling Bee spell-off, and Born into Brothels about kids living growing up with their parents in brothels in Calcutta, India.

Whenever I go to my camera to download pictures, I always find exciting “finds” such as these ala Jack.

I was busy last week working on a sewing project I’ve wanted to do for at least a year and a half. It is from Lotta Jansdotter’s Simple Sewing book. It is called a bed pocket and you set it between the mattress and the box spring and the pocket hangs over the edge for books and whatnot. It was my goddaughter’s birthday, so it was a good opportunity to make it. It turned out really well even if the M is a bit crooked. The bird’s wing is a funky button.

The first time I sewing the M on, it was SOOO crooked. I worked hard to remember that the seam ripper is my friend.

I couldn’t understand why the whole thing needed to be lined, so I sort of made some changes to the original pattern. It is now VERY clear to me why the lining is necessary. I won’t be making that mistake again!

25 Random Things About Me January 31, 2009

This is going around Facebook, and I absolutely love reading the lists of people I know. Here is my list:

1. I love to read.
2. I would nap every day if I could.
3. I had my tonsils and wisdom teeth removed within two months of my 30th birthday.
4. I’ve never had a broken anything (beyond heart) or stitches (except for during labor but those don’t count).
5. I used to regularly fall out of my office chair in Rochester because I’m so damn clumsy.
6. I’m a grammar and editing whore…Mr. Turk would be so proud!
7. I cried like a baby when I was 32 and a cap came off my tooth at work. My friend Jakki knew not to laugh and immediately called the dentist for me.
8. I’ve had two cavities in my life.
9. Intolerant people piss me off…really, how does a gay couple’s marriage threaten me or my marriage?
10. I miss my best friend from high school.
11. I would drink a cup of coffee and eat a generous slice of apple pie every morning for breakfast if I could.
12. I nearly moved to Italy with my son for a Roman dentist I was in love with.
13. I absolutely love being a mom, but sometimes I wonder why God let me be a mother when I miserably fail at it sometimes.
14. Even though my brother Jay hasn’t spoken to me in at least 15 years, I brag about his accomplishments whenever I can to anyone who will listen…YES he is an animator for The Simpsons.
15. If I could teach English, History or Business at a community college tomorrow, I would stay up all night long making lesson plans.
16. I love to cook for guests and my family, but can’t make gravy to save my life.
17. I would take a homemade ugly birthday cake any day over a purchased store bought one.
18. I am so proud that I earned two college degrees, started a career, bought a house and had a son all without a man. (Well, a man was involved for the latter but only briefly.)
19. I only completed my master’s degree because a family member showed up every single Monday night for two years to watch my son so I could go to school. They all came to my graduation ceremony too.
20. I am always surprised when my husband tells me I’m beautiful.
21. I was on speed dial with the principal my son’s kinder year.
22. My husband and I don’t share money. Absolutely none.
23. You couldn’t pay me to stay home and take care of my kids all day long. God didn’t build me that way.
24. When Jack wanted to know how babies came out and how babies got in, I told him.
25. I would be happy listening solely to National Public Radio and never listening to music.

I would add one more that I was surprised I didn’t before.

26. I love my step-parents and think of them as bonus parents not as people married to my parents.

We are in the Loop January 29, 2009

The modem is in the craft room, so tonight Jack saw it and noticed that it was from Qwest. The conversation that ensued follows:

J:  What is that for?

Mom: For the internet.

J: ARE WE IN THE LOOP????? WE are IN the loop!

Mom laughed and poked her finger with a stick pin because she was pinning fabric.

Seriously, how does he know all these commercials?

We were in the sewing room because Jack has taken up sewing lately. He has finished two projects, one project each night. His grandmas will be so proud! The first project he wanted to make was a bag which is good because, if there is one thing I can sew, it is bags. He picked out the fabric from the stash, and we designed as we went along.

I thought that it would be really hard for him to sew through his finger, but honestly thought it was a distinct possibility because he is as clumsy as his mother.

He is such a perfectionist which, in general, makes for a very good sewer. He selected a detail stitch for the edge and a straight stitch for the seams. The detail stitch can be seen on the picture next to the finished product.

He threaded cord through the bag and attached a cord lock with my help. It turned out GREAT!! He filled it with candy, and we’ll deliver it to his cousin Ty this weekend.

Tonight he wanted to sew again, and since his cousin Riley was in the hospital overnight to get some tests for his migraines (he is 6), we decided that making him a bed buddy was a good idea. What is a bed buddy you ask? Well, we didn’t know either until Grandma Babs came over last weekend and told us.

A bed buddy is a bag filled with rice or dried beans and sewn shut. Bed buddies can be microwaved for 30 seconds to get warm and are perfect for little boys (and girls) to fall asleep snuggled with. As it turned out, I had one made out of my dad’s sock when I was pregnant because my midwife recommended it for back pain. I think I like Jack’s version better.

Jack selected his fabric, then considered an R applique. I have always wanted to applique, but haven’t tried it yet. Given the fabric was flannel, it was a must for this project if the R was going on. I cut the R and Jack did the rest! I am very impressed at how well he did…he took his time and was very precise.

Because homemade sewing articles from our house also come with tags most of the time, we made Jack a tag too! I didn’t think of it until tonight, so we didn’t get one on the bag. Unfortunately, we don’t have a microwave, so we couldn’t test it out.

Troy got Stratego for Christmas, and we got to play last night. I remember playing my step dad all the time when I was a kid. Troy is really good at it and has some good strategies. I am always amazed at ALL the things he keeps track of in his head like complicated rules, detailed plot points, random musings, everything! He does really, really well in school as well, so I don’t know how the heck he has so much room for all that stuff in his brain!

Addictions and Procrastinations January 13, 2009

I discovered that you can play Shaun White Snowboarding on Wii without the balance board and only the remote. That makes me a LOT better at the game! Jack and I have been playing in co-op mode most the of weekend. I’m able to do loads of crazy things that my body aches just thinking about in real life.

I promised Julia I would sew her a zippered pouch in October. I made one pouch in November, then sewed on the zipper. Then, I had to rip out the zipper and start over. I made another pouch and sewed in the zipper, then had to rip out that zipper. It has been sitting on my craft table ever since. It has been staring at me and flapping its flap at me as if to say you SUCK at sewing in zippers. As a result, I have completely avoided sewing altogther because I feel guilty sewing anything else until this overdue project is in the bag.

Well, last night I finally took my own advice (suck it up, buttercup!) and re-sewed it. It worked very well, and I did a great job (in my own humble opinion anyway). I even successfully recessed the zipper! Now, I can get it to Julia!

Here is a picture of my new lampshade positioned directly over my sewing machine. I’m going to make some beautiful curtains to accompany this. Thanks, Ikea!

It is official and I can no longer act like it didn’t happen. I’m not bloated…I’ve just added 10 lbs (at least) thanks to a variety of things which I will simply call HOLIDAYS! Yesterday, Jack and I found a new sledding hill which made me feel better about the whole thing, but I came home and drank some absolutely fabulous hot chocolate given to me as a gift from a great chocolate shop in New York. I figured if I was going to waste all the exercise, I might as well go big, so I added a shot of Kahlua to it too.

I discovered two great blogs over the weekend while trying to pick out the perfect pattern for a purse to make out of this AWESOME fabric! I can’t wait to find it, but I love it so much that the thought of cutting this makes me nervous.  I found great ideas for mother’s day gifts and great ideas for neices and god-daughter gifts for this year. All these crafting ideas in my head makes me think I am craftier than I actually am.

My Spare Time is one of the blogs you should check out. Tara Whitney Just Be You is another good blog.

Speaking of crafty, Aaron spent all weekend working on Jack’s derby car. (This picture is in the middle of the painting process.) Jack designed the car, Aaron cut and shaped the car, Jack sanded, Aaron sanded, Jack painted, Aaron painted. The big race is Saturday with the weigh in on Friday night.  Thank god we’ve got Aaron because looking at my version of a derby car would not be very pretty.

Here is a picture of one of our family christmas’s. Oh what fun!

Second Graders, Frosting Bags and (Avoiding) Walmart December 18, 2008

Its been more than a week, and I have survived 11 second graders making gingerbread houses, secret santa and a Mario Kart Wii shortage everywhere except for Walmart (which in case you’ve forgotten, I HATE…Walmart, not Mario Kart or Wii).

First, Saturday evening after Jack’s friend birthday party, I called my BFF and told her to remind me next year when I think it is a good idea to have a party with children at my house because it will be fun and cheaper than going someplace else. I told her to remind me that $100 is NOT too much to spend, that it is worth every single penny and that to interrupt me if I every start to talk about becoming an elementary school teacher. Since she already upholds this philosophy, it won’t be difficult for her to remind me. THANK GOD!

The kids weren’t that bad aside from all the wrestling, but 11 kids for two hours takes a lot out of you, particularly when you give them frosting bags with tips. Stupidly, I forgot that just because Jack has used a frosting bag and tip and knows that you MUST twist and hold from the top, it doesn’t mean that any other 8 year old know this technique. Thankfully, all the kids were able to make it to the sink before the frosting overflowed onto the floor.

These kids were genuinely fun, just maybe not ALL at one time while they are hopped up on candy and frosting.

Jack chose a chocolate chip cookie bar tower for his cake which saved me a lot of time and energy.

I chose to take part in Secret Santa at work because Secret Santa is fun. I like finding the right gift for my giftee. This year I’ve experienced two problems. The first is completely selfish and indulgent. I got what I asked for: mechanical pencils and Nutella. I was thinking those little packets the size of peanut butter packets at Perkins (say that 5 times fast) , but I got a regular 13 oz jar of Nutella.

Me+13 oz Nutella+a fork=6 oz of Nutella

Of course, I keep forks in a baggie in my desk drawer for my lunches. Of course, the Nutella jar was taunting me sitting there between my monitor and my keyboard.  And, of course, one of my favorite things EVER is being the first person to dig into a smooth, silky mess of peanut butter or NUTELLA! Aaron once got into a little pickle because he dug into the peanut butter without offering me the opportunity, but this is not about issues that I discuss with my therapist…

The second Secret Santa problem is this…my giftee’s wish list included a .5mm z4 Bic pen, movies and Scrabble. I thought the pen should be no problem, but I was wrong. A movie ticket could not be accommodated in the $10 Secret Santa budget, so I opted for specialty popcorn from a store nearby. Scrabble was a toughie…I was hoping to find some word-ie type of fabric to sew up into something fun. Unfortunately, I could find nothing word-ie that was not babyish as well. I found fabric with dominos, bingo and crossword puzzles, but not a single Scrabble related theme.

My next thought in Jo-Ann’s was buttons! Make something and sew on buttons that would fit the theme. Nothing. Ribbon is next to the buttons. Nothing. Scrapbooking supplies surely would have something suitable. Nothing…until I found these capital letter stickers that were BROWN and SQUARE. I found a pack of 8 blank greeting cards and two pieces of fun scrapbooking paper. With my 50% off coupon for the greeting card pack, my total purchase with tax was only $4.83. What a bargain!

I was counting on Aaron for help since he is typically far more creative than I am when it comes to paper items…remind me to post about some of his handmade Christmas cards to frat buddies. I needed him to make something that could resemble a Scrabble tile rack. Just as I suspected, Aaron came up with a pop-up three dimensional tile rack, but it wouldn’t quite work given the time constraints (about 60 minutes for 8 cards). While he cut paper, I dug out Scrabble and added numbers with black ink to all the tile stickers. The previous night, I searched for good 8 letter words (7 tiles PLUS the tile on the board). So, this morning, my recipient got a pack of greeting cards with a Scrabble theme.

Secret Santa left this in the mail room…

I’ll be looking for a used Scrabble game on craigslist.com because Santa’s final gift is this…

As it turns out, Santa has completed his shopping for the boys in our house, but mom and dad have not. I have had a serious lack of inspiration for Jack’s xmas gift after getting him the BEST birthday present ever – a new snowboarding sled and a helmet. Both of these boys have their birthdays in Nov. and Dec. so that makes it that much more difficult. I did get an inspiration the other day with Mario Kart Wii only to find out that no store in all of Des Moines had the game. I went online and everyplace was out – Target.com, Amazon.com, Bestbuy.com. Ebay was asking too much. The one place it was available was Walmart.com. I searched for another hour online…craigslist, facebook, etc.

For one hour I asked myself again and again if my boycott of Walmart should “ruin” Christmas. Then I thought, good god, I volunteer with the Cub Scouts despite my well documented distate for discrimination against gays. What more do I have to do? I succumbed to the motherly urge to not ruin Christmas only to find that my hour saved me and ruined Christmas – Walmart.com was sold out.

This morning, I searched some more and my last search (before Walmart) was proved fruitful! Bestbuy.com had it in stock, but you can never be sure at Bestbuy.com because sometimes items look like they are in stock only to have the out of stock show up at checkout. It looks like I saved Christmas AND avoided Walmart! Yippee!

Here is a picture of one of Jack’s gingerbread houses from school…he cleverly made a door that opens and put a waving gingerbread boy inside. In this picture, it looks like ET. I think he sorta looks like ET in person too.